Hello my dear Kettle,
It’s definitely been awhile. I took the last month or so to myself, navigating all of this change. It’s been rough seas.
I’ve attempted to write this newsletter several times. It’s been intimidatingly difficult to write about hard times in a positive and eye-catching way. I wanted to show what I’ve been up to, but in a true & real way.
If I’m totally honest, the classic artist-guilt I’ve felt from not “creating new work” has also been a factor in my delayed update. Or at least guilt of not creating at the pace that I’ve been used to for the last two years.
Someone recently told me to not be so hard on myself, and that I am creating right now, even if it’s not artwork; that I was like a spider building my web. I really resonated with that imagery. I have been doing nothing but build since the first day I moved.
I’ve been building my web from scratch, and that’s hard work.
Establishing the structure of my home,
Adjusting to living with my partner,
Applying for (and getting!!) a job,
Getting to know my new surroundings,
Being uncomfortable, especially when necessity pushes me there.
Those are all creative decisions, filled with problem solving. And despite my near-constant work over the last month, I’ve still got problems to work on and solve that will just take time.
I knew that art-making after graduation would be difficult, especially since I’ve felt so fried from the semester. It felt like I birthed that thesis, after all, I did work on it constantly for 9 months straight.
But how could I expect to “bounce back” so quickly and catapult myself into a new project? Especially if it’s a project for project’s sake. I’ve been telling myself that that’s no way to start something. I want to feel passionate about a project, not just make something out of fear of the guilt itself.
It’s important to me to not be afraid of my new studio setup either. Just this week, I’ve started a small project or two, but I’m letting myself take my time. Especially since I start my new job this week.
On top of all that, I’ve profoundly been feeling the loss of my city life.
My autonomy felt ripped from me, moving away from an walkable city to a new place so reliant on cars. Building a new life is fucking hard, no matter what age.
I’m so thankful for the friends I do have in the area, but I’m still in the stage where it takes an immense amount of energy to go out and even do simple things. Building friendships and community is a whole other part of my web entirely. And it’s a part that will only come to fruition over time, which right now, is frustrating.
But recently, I’ve started to see glimmers. Glimpses of the pay off of all this work, all this building. I’m starting to sense that they will lengthen, but I need to just give them time.
So that’s what I’m doing, letting my web slowly expand over time, and hopefully, more and more adorned with glimmers. In honor of that, I pulled this older illustration of mine from the archive:
That’s all for this week! I have plenty more to show you and tell you about in my next update, like my new car, my new job, and our garden, so keep an eye on your inbox. I’ll do my best to make sure it isn’t another silent month; have a gentle week ahead.
Until next time,
Chloe
